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Big Ben

The bell, cast in Whitechapel on 10 April 1858, was first rung in the Great Westminster Clock on 31 May 1859. It is the world’s largest four-faced, chiming clock and the third largest free-standing clock tower in the world.

The design for the Clock Tower was Pugin’s last design before his final descent into madness - the first of many such descents to occur in the immediate vicinity.

Because of changes in ground conditions since construction (notably tunnelling for the Jubilee Line extension), the tower leans slightly to the north-west, by roughly 8.66 inches at the clock face, giving an inclination of approximately 1/250, making it like many of the crooked individuals in the area.

Due to thermal effects (an unusually high incidence of hot air in the locality?) it oscillates annually by a few millimetres east and west, twisting and turning in the political weather.

No wonder it is such a symbol of our Parliament.

Generally I am against the throwing of custard pies - and other gunge like substances - although the ennobling of Peter “Lord” Mandelson has made me think twice. But still I stand with my view, politicians - even those reptilian lizard like ones such as Mandelson who’s natural habitat is slime - should be able to go about in public free from the fear of imminent and unexpected gunging.

If we are going to allow the use of custard pies and other non-hazardous but easily sloppable matter in the political process, and many say it is a good means of anger management, the supporters of such activities should publish a clear and strict set of rules - a kind of Geneva Convention on Custard Pies - for all to follow. Here are my suggestions.

1. Custard Pies must always be non-hazardous.
2. Victims of pie throwing may counter attack.
3. Pies can only be thrown as a last resort when the democratic/legal process has failed and individuals are being over-ruled by the State (i.e. expropriation of property etc)
4. Pie contents and consistency should meet a European Directive regulatory framework on the harmonisation of custard pies, and must be inspected before launch by a specially appointed professional expert from the multi-million pound European Custard Pie Agency quango.

With rules like these, pie throwing would be a thing of the past.

However maybe Mandelson should be the exception to the rules…

Way to go aliens!

The little not so green men obviously know they’re useless and unsightly, but how will they explain it to the insurance company?

Read more here.

Gordon Brown visited a primary school today.

The children were discussing the meanings of words with the teacher in their English class by giving examples, the words being randomly selected by a high tech government issue devise formerly known as a hat. The teacher invited Gordon Brown to have a go, and he pulls out the word “tragedy”.

“Can anyone give me an example of a tragedy,” he asked.

Hands go up across the room.

“Other than that,” the teacher interupts. All but three hands go down.

Gordon Brpwn picks the first child. “A tragedy would be if I ran my brother over with a tractor on the farm,” he said.

“No,” Brown responded, “that would be an accident.”

Then he asked the second child. “A tragedy would be if a plane full of children got shot down.”

“Nope, wrong again I’m affeaid,” Brown replied smugly, “that would be a great loss.”

The third child now gets picked. “A tragedy would be if you and your advisors were on a plane that got shot down.”

“Correct, said Gordon, “how did you know that?”

“Well it was easy,” the boy said, “‘Cos it wouldn’t be a great loss and is hardly likely to be an accident.”

A bit long I know but still good. I think it’s been doing the rounds on the Internet a few weeks now.

A school in Yorkshire has decided to rename itself. But instead of simply changing its name, they’ve decided to rebrand what they are.

Yes Waterciffe Meadow Primary School shall henceforth be the Watercliffe Meadow Centre for Learning, I guess just in case anyone forgot what schools are meant to be for.
Whatever next?
Her Majesties Place for Containing Criminals, Wandsworth

The Community Book Borrowing Place?
The Centre for Getting Well or Catching MRSA?
The Department of Moving People from One Place to Another Place?
The