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The Union Flag…

How do you fly yours, Mr Griffin?

…The wrong way up evidently. Doesn’t every true patriot know how to fly the flag properly?

It has been a bad week.

Eight British soldiers died in Afghanistan in just 24 hours. Their deaths take the number of troops killed in Afghanistan since 2001 to 184; five higher than the 179 killed in Iraq. It has been the most high intensity fighting British troops have faced since the Korean War in the 1950s.

Many of the deaths are due to powerful Improvised Explosive Devices, and many of these IED deaths could have been avoided by proper equipment.

Sadly, as Harwich MP Douglas Carswell talked about last year, the defence industrial strategy is “more about industry than defence. It does more to safeguard the interests of selected contractors than the interests of the armed forces. The DIS is good at putting large amounts of public money on to the balance sheets of a few contractors, but that is about all it is good for…We cannot both shore up our defence industrial base and provide our armed forces with the best value kit in the world; it is a logical impossibility. The DIS is, in reality, a corporatist, protectionist racket. Lobbyists for the DIS on the political left justify it as a means of preserving jobs. The same arguments once trotted out to justify Government subsidy of British Leyland are used to legitimise squandering our defence budget. To those on the political right, the fig leaf justification is about something called sovereignty of supply. The same arguments were once trotted out to justify the corn laws.”

I agree with Douglas Carswell entirely on this. There is no excuse for putting our servicemen’s lives at risk to protect the British defence industry; if a British firm can deliver the goods, great, but if it can’t then it should be No Deal. We must buy the best. Ultimately this is in the best interests of the British defence industry anyway, as it should force them to improve and maybe get some export orders!

But most of all what matters - the ONLY thing that matters - is the safety of our forces. If we are to ask our soldiers to Be The Best, then we must BUY The Best! If seeing a less Union Flags on the Country of Manufacture labels means we see a less Union Flags wrapped around coffins passing through Wootton Bassett, then it will have been a small price indeed.

First we talked about whether there would be a recession.

Then we talked about who was to blame.

Then we talked about what to do about it.

There then followed a not so brief interlude during which ice creams and refreshments (including Hobnobs and dog food) were served whilst we discussed duck islands, the intricacies of moat maintenance, the impact of OCD upon breakfast habits and the finer points of astrology.

That over, we talked about how bad the recession would be…

…And now we’re talking about what letter of the alphabet its shape will be on the graph!

The British public discourse has had some strange moments of late, but this really takes the biscuit (but then if it’s Chris Huhne’s Hobnob biscuit we paid for it anyway)…

What is it with economists, have they all gone mad and decided to describe every possible outcome as the shape of a letter or did it just come to them one day at lunch over a bowl of Alphabetti Spaghetti? Perhaps we are now getting economic news from Sesame Street?

The deluded think it’ll be a V-shaped recession; sharp drop, sharp bounce back. V.

Some expect a U-shaped recession; a sharp drop with a sharp rebound like the V but after a period of flatness between the two. U.

My bet is on W; in effect a second U-shaped (or V-shaped if you go German and call W ‘double-V’) recession after a small rebound from the first. W.

Rather alarming is the L-shaped recession, a sudden fall then flat-lining; and the Y, a U or V shaped recession followed by a second possibly sharper drop. L and Y.

I suppose we could have N, M, J, Y, and I as well. Maybe a lowercase ‘r’ and ‘h’?

The Great Depression gave us the game of Monopoly, the recession of 08/09/10 looks set to give us Economic Scrabble.

The Conservative Penrith and the Border MP David Maclean is to step down at the next General Election because his multiple sclerosis has worsened this year. The MP was taken by ambulance this week with the support of two medics to vote for a new Commons Speaker following what he described as the worst exacerbation yet of his illness.

His dedication to Parliament is obviously incredible, there was no need for him to attend the vote beyond his dedication, and despite his role in trying to exempt MP’s expenses from the Freedom of Information Act it is certain Parliament will be a lesser place without him and his experience. A former officer in the 51st Highland Volunteers, he was elected in 1983 and his Parliamentary career included a stint as chief whip and ministerial posts in Agriculture, the Environment and Home Office. He turned down a Cabinet role in 1995 and was diagnosed with MS in 1996.

But Maclean’s decision to step down because benefits of treatment - which will increase his quality of life and expected lifespan - would be cancelled out if he continued an MP’s workload, shows in part how Parliament needs reform beyond what others are considering. Parliament benefits from having a diverse range of Members with diverse experience; but requiring attendance to vote and having MP’s act as uber-councillors/social workers puts many off and - in Maclean’s case - out.

Why can’t MP’s vote by proxy or by electronic means, as they can in Scotland?

Why do MP’s work as uber-councillors?

Maclean said his constituency – the largest in England – deserved an MP who could go at it “full pelt”. But if we have a system where only those with the time, inclination and - in this case - physical ability to attend all the odd-hours Parliament works and act as uber-councillor “full pelt”, the pool of interested applicants is greatly reduced. You’re ruling out anyone with kids really, especially women or single parents, anyone with a health issue…

What we need is MP’s to be MP’s - scrutinising laws, representing us and holding the executive to account. Axe the uber-councillor stuff, set normal hours and let MP’s vote from elsewhere by remote and suddenly being an MP will become compatible with being a normal person - doing the school run, having a family and social life beyond work, having health issues - and we may just then get such normal people.

Tim Yeo isn’t your typical revolutionary. He comes from Suffolk, writes for Country Life and Golf Weekly Magazines, and is a Conservative former Countryside Minister. But on Monday he struck a blow for freedom - the freedom not to wear a tie!

For years now the neck tie has been on the way out. They’re restrictive, uncomfortable, utterly pointless and - worst of all sometimes - an open invite for novelty Christmas gifts.

Businesses have been ‘dressing down’ gradually since Margaret Thatcher sent the bowler hat and umbrella to historic oblivion, and today’s new business - from Google to Innocent Smoothies - is a largely tie free, “smart casual” environment. Creative businesses argue that staff are more creative in a relaxed, individualistic and stuffyness free office.

So why does Parliament still side with Erskine May, the Parliamentary bible of convention, who states that “gentleman members are required to wear a jacket and tie”. Erskine May died in 1886!

It’s that annual time of year again – as regular as the tide, as traditional as May Day – the annual Bash Prince Charles Over His Expenses Day.

I don’t partake.

Prince Charles gets a lot of stick, and he doesn’t deserve it.

People laughed at his interest in organic farming, yet today it’s a mass industry and in every supermarket.

People sneered when he described modernist building as a “monstrous carbuncle”, but who today disagrees?

And every year he gets attacked for his expenses, and I’ve had enough. Leave the guy alone!

Yes he spent 1.71 million pounds on travel expenses. But he did so travelling more than 50,000 miles to 658 official engagements! As Alan Bennet said, “…he really works his ass off.

“He’s much more conscientious and attentive to people than he is ever given credit for and so, as I say, I have a great deal of time for him.”

Author Ingrid Seward, who has written extensively about the Royal Family, told the BBC that Charles offered “value for money” and was “no burden” on the taxpayer.

“When Prince Charles goes on foreign trips it’s not [simply] because he wants to, it’s because he’s invited by foreign countries and it must be paid for because he’s a great ambassador,” she said. And she’s right.

Prince Charles, and the Monarchy, are a great force for good in this country. In times of crisis they are a symbol of stability, in times of division they are a unifying force that can represent us all and be above politics.

In diplomacy at home and abroad, in business and trade, in culture and international relations, the Monarchy lets us punch above our weight. The Obamas want The Queen at D-Day, not Gordon Brown. America goes into a frenzy when they visit the US. The Heads of every government are blown away by the WOW factor of a State visit.

And easily forgotten is that the Grant-in-Aid funding for the Queen’s Household from Parliament that pays for all this is actually given in exchange for the surrender of revenue from the Crown Estate. The revenues of Crown Estate – with a value of more than £7.3bn – far exceeds the taxpayer grants. The Treasury takes far more from the Royals than it ever gives.

And what the jealous hate-mongers of Republic forget is that the Prince of Wales also raised over £130 million in the last year alone for his core charities which are regarded as hugely beneficial. What have the bearded weirded of Republic ever done?

Iran’s spiritual leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei accused “the evil British government” on Friday of interfering last weekend’s election, describing Britain as “treacherous”. The scenes were frankly terrifying as thousands upon thousands of fanatical supporters each waved their left arm in the air with a remarkable degree of synchronised insanity whilst chanting “Death to the UK”. As scenes of fanatical leader supporting goes it was right up there.

treacherous – adjective
1.characterized by faithlessness or readiness to betray trust; traitorous.
2.deceptive, untrustworthy, or unreliable.
3.unstable or insecure, as footing.
4.dangerous; hazardous: a treacherous climb.

I very much hope that this shows to anyone who doubted it: Iran’s leaders are dangerous!

More jokes harvested from various sources about MP’s expenses.

Labour MP said his claims were “1000% within the rules”; the same amount he claimed on his mortgage.

Politics. From the Latin ‘poli’, meaning many, and ‘tics’, meaning blood sucking parasites.

How many MP’s does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they’ll stick it on expenses.

People say politicians need to be more transparent, that’s rubbish. Politicians are more transparent now than ever, the entire country can see right through them.

Vote Labour. We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.

Speaker Michael Martin has been removed. The last time I saw a speaker removed so fast it was under someone’s arm in Dixons.

A florist goes into a hairdressers for a haircut. Pleased with the result she goes to pay but is turned down. “I’m on community service this week, I’m not charging”. The florist goes away happy and the next morning the hairdresser arrives at work to find a thank you card and a bouquet of 12 roses from the florist. Later a baker has his hair cut and again is told not to pay, and the next morning the hairdresser discovers a thank you card and 12 cakes on the door. Later an MP has his hair cut and again gets it free. Wondering what she will find the next morning, the hairdresser is shocked to find a thank you card and 12 MPs wanting free haircuts.

Today legal history has been made - for all the wrong reasons.

The Lord Chief Justice, Judge Judge, has approved the first ever trial without a jury in England!

The hideous option, breaking a fundamental principle of our justice system that every accused has the right to fair trial and due process in front of a jury of their fellow countrymen, was introduced by Labour in the 2003 Criminal Justice Act.

The four men in question, charged with the Heathrow robbery, will not thus be found guilty or not guilty by a panel of their peers, but by one single Judge.

The reasoning? Cost. Judge Judge has decided that protecting jurors from outside influence would cost too much! Far better just abolish our ancient legal rights!!!

The defence that some civil cases are heard by a Judge alone is very flimsy. We aren’t talking about a small claims squabble here but a Criminal Case with serious consequences.

A very sad piece of news.

David Cameron must be in a cooking mood. A round-robin letter by an anonymous person - claiming to be a Tory MP - accuses him of using ‘Stallinist tactics’ and anger at the expenses scandal to remake the party in a new image, using ‘kangaroo courts’ of his close supporters to force out old MPs. The old adage that you can’t make on omelette without breaking some eggs springs to mind.

Now I am certainly not in favour of Stallinist tactics or the ousting of elected representatives by party leadership. But - and it’s a big but - many MPs have acted very badly, breaking the expenses rules or at the very least having their snouts very firmly in the trough.

Caught out, many of what are described as ‘old guard’ have reacted terribly to the revelations. Disgusting arrogance, rudeness, dismissive responses, a ‘my right’ culture. Douglas Hogg walking away from reporters. Anthony Steen accusing his constituents of jealousy. And now Brian Binley - who claimed over £50,000 for a flat rented from his own company and £2,115 for a truly dire website I half suspect he made himself - being absolutely petulant in his assertations that he won’t repay anything even if asked!

With friends like these, who needs enemies? Each are surely guaranteed to lose their seats if they stand again - they simply have to go! Yes it is a blessing in disguise that a few people who are tired, stale and old (in the sense they have been MPs for too long, not actual physical age) are being replaced by hopefully better new recruits, but it is still vital.

Of course if we had Open Primaries and Voter Recall, we wouldn’t have this problem, but I can’t see these ‘old guard’ wanting that. Turkeys don’t vote for Christmas.